Jason Hadden

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrong. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." -1 Corinthians 13:4-7

This is a rare blog. Unlike most others that you will read (from me at least), but this is just me wearing my heart on my sleeve and putting it out there.

A year and a halfish ago, I began dating a very special guy. Since October 16, 2010 (and even before then), Jason Hadden has been able to show me God's love in ways that no one else could. He has attained more respect from me than any other person my age, and he has deserved ever bit of it (and still deserves more than I can give). I aspire to have half of his humility, a pinch of his theological considerations, and as much love for people as he has. He has been a backbone and a great friend to me.  God has provided me with more than I could have ever imagined having in a boyfriend. Shoutout and much thanks go out to him.

Now I spent a lot of time trying to figure out if I loved Jason Hadden. Most people just say "I love you" on a whim; they base it off of emotions in that moment. I did not want to be one of those people. To be honest, when I asked myself the question "do I love him?" I didn't know the answer. I hear stories about how people just know, but I am not one of those people. I had never been in love before; I had no idea what it was supposed to be like. Surely not like the movies, surely not like my parents love after 20ish years of marriage, I just had no idea. I needed a definition. Problem:  Love seems to be different for everyone, if you look up the definition of love, you will never be able to simply define it. So how did I know if I loved him? I turned to 1 Corinthians 13. One night I sat in my bed, wondering if I loved him or not. I was not doubting my feelings, but I feel that love is so much more than feelings. Feelings come and go, passions fade, and when everything drifts off into the unknown, you should be left with love despite it all.

When I turned to 1 Corinthians that night, I went through every part of its definition of love and figured out if I acted/felt that way towards Jason.
#1-Love is patient-Anyone who has stood in a line with me, or who has had to wait with me anywhere will know that I am not a naturally patient person. I am stuck in the right-here-right-now society that we all live in. The difference is that, with Jason, he can take his time doing whatever. Patient? Check!
#2-Love is kind-Ill be the first (an possibly only) person to admit it. I can be a mean spirited person. I like nothing more than revenge.  Spitefulness is one of my many shortcomings.  However, never have I ever desired anything spiteful on him. Kind? Check!
#3-It does not envy-I am not a very envious person. I don't envy his past relationships and I don't envy the attention he gives other people. No envy? Check!
#4-It does not boast-In my opinion, if you have to tell the whole world that you are in love, is it really love? People should be able to look at you and tell. (This blog is an exception and is a first in an almost year-and-a-half-long relationship) :)

For the sake of space and time, I will go ahead and cover proud, rude, self-seeking, and easily angered all in one. I am proud to be Jason Hadden's girlfriend, but I am not haughty about it. I hope that when I talk about him to my friends that they don't see it as rubbing it in their faces that I have a boyfriend, or anything of the sort. I can be rude, but I never want to be rude with him. Self-seeking is a tough one. It is hard to put him (and all other people for that matter) before myself. I am selfish and I want everything out of the relationship that I can get. But that's not the right attitude. I have to constantly remind myself to care for, love, and serve others before myself.  Angered...has Jason made me upset before? Yes. Angry? No. Anger is a hard feeling to get over and is deeply embedded within complicated situations.  We have a simple love. No complications, no hard feelings, no anger.

Keeps no record of wrong...here's the toughest one for me with all people, not just him. I keep track of wrongs; forgive and forget does not work with me. I do not forget when I have been hurt. I have to remind myself everyday that "he didn't purposefully try to make me feel insert gloomy feeling/disgust when he insert action that happened months ago that I just cannot forget about." It is a constant battle, but its easier with Jason than with most people.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth-I can be straight up honest with Jason. I can tell him the truth about things and know he wont judge me, hold things against me, or get angry with me. I think that this is one that I appreciate the most.

In conclusion, I would do anything to protect him; I always have his back.  I trust him and his judgement in all situations and with all decisions, even if they are not what I would do in those situations.  With us, I always hope for the best in the future, and I will go to all lengths in attempt to make this good thing we have going last as long as possible.

This blog was long as mess! But this was the long and intense process that I went through to come to the conclusion that I love Jason Hadden. I wouldn't have it any other way :) Blessed Beyond Comparison

*insert syringe of insulin now* :P