Hardest Blog to Write

"Life is maybe, death is a sure, sin is the cause, Christ is the cure."

So yesterday, a great protector left this world. Doc Lawton was my grandfather and in my 19 years of knowing him, he never ceased to amaze me. He was stubborn as mess, loved me more than anything, and was always in the business of protecting those he loved. In the past couple years, I found joy in listening to him antagonizing my boyfriends and doing everything in his power to make sure I knew that he was proud of me. Nothing will ever be able to replace the encouragement and protection that he so willingly offered me.

Here's the hardest part for me, a few people have asked me why I do not seem sad, and even some of my camp friends didn't know about my granddad passing until tonight because I did not mention it or show much emotion...yet, I am very sad to watch him go. The reason I do not seem upset is simply for this reason, he would not want me to be. Granddaddy Doc is gone, and he left his legacy; I am still here, and I still have work to do, a life to live, and a legacy to leave. When asked the question about my emotionless attitude, I remind myself that I can spend a decent amount of time in the grieving process and that I will never lose the memories I have, but that, ultimately, I am in a ministry position that allows me to give a cure to the cause of death. In my boyfriend's house, there is a painting that reads "Life is a maybe, death is a sure, sin is the cause, Christ is the cure." This saying has meant a lot to me in the past few hours as my granddad's death has been becoming more and more real. Romans 6:23 says "for the payment of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Jesus Christ." There is a world of people dying all around me and it is my obligation and privilege to offer them the spiritual cure for eternal death. As much as I miss Granddaddy Doc, I know that his time is gone, and yet others still have a few more minutes, hours, days, years to make a difference in this world to better society, themselves, and to spread the gospel. It is my job to move on and help these people to do just that, with Granddaddy Doc always walking right beside me.

Lastly, I've said it a few times in this blog, but I'll say it again...Granddaddy Doc was a protector. Whether he meant to or not, I was able to see attributes of my Savior in him. Through my granddad, I was able to get a glimpse and feel a small bit of God's love and protection for me. Granddaddy would never tell me to not do anything simply because I could get hurt, but he was always conscious to remind me to stay safe and to "watch out for those boys" haha. He never put boundaries on me, but made it very clear that he expected me to use my very best judgement and to live a life of integrity. It is this sort of protection that I believe can be found in Jesus Christ as well. He never puts limits on what I can do and, in fact, He says "with God all things are possible" (Matthew 19:36). This freedom of choice, yet high expectations is a reflection of our Lord, and it is for that protection that I love both my granddad and my Lord so deeply.

As I sit here on the porch of my cabin alone on a cool night, the emotion that no one sees is pouring out of me. Granddaddy Doc, never forgotten, always loved.