"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrong. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." -1 Corinthians 13:4-7
This is a rare blog. Unlike most others that you will read (from me at least), but this is just me wearing my heart on my sleeve and putting it out there.
A year and a halfish ago, I began dating a very special guy. Since October 16, 2010 (and even before then), Jason Hadden has been able to show me God's love in ways that no one else could. He has attained more respect from me than any other person my age, and he has deserved ever bit of it (and still deserves more than I can give). I aspire to have half of his humility, a pinch of his theological considerations, and as much love for people as he has. He has been a backbone and a great friend to me. God has provided me with more than I could have ever imagined having in a boyfriend. Shoutout and much thanks go out to him.
Now I spent a lot of time trying to figure out if I loved Jason Hadden. Most people just say "I love you" on a whim; they base it off of emotions in that moment. I did not want to be one of those people. To be honest, when I asked myself the question "do I love him?" I didn't know the answer. I hear stories about how people just know, but I am not one of those people. I had never been in love before; I had no idea what it was supposed to be like. Surely not like the movies, surely not like my parents love after 20ish years of marriage, I just had no idea. I needed a definition. Problem: Love seems to be different for everyone, if you look up the definition of love, you will never be able to simply define it. So how did I know if I loved him? I turned to 1 Corinthians 13. One night I sat in my bed, wondering if I loved him or not. I was not doubting my feelings, but I feel that love is so much more than feelings. Feelings come and go, passions fade, and when everything drifts off into the unknown, you should be left with love despite it all.
When I turned to 1 Corinthians that night, I went through every part of its definition of love and figured out if I acted/felt that way towards Jason.
#1-Love is patient-Anyone who has stood in a line with me, or who has had to wait with me anywhere will know that I am not a naturally patient person. I am stuck in the right-here-right-now society that we all live in. The difference is that, with Jason, he can take his time doing whatever. Patient? Check!
#2-Love is kind-Ill be the first (an possibly only) person to admit it. I can be a mean spirited person. I like nothing more than revenge. Spitefulness is one of my many shortcomings. However, never have I ever desired anything spiteful on him. Kind? Check!
#3-It does not envy-I am not a very envious person. I don't envy his past relationships and I don't envy the attention he gives other people. No envy? Check!
#4-It does not boast-In my opinion, if you have to tell the whole world that you are in love, is it really love? People should be able to look at you and tell. (This blog is an exception and is a first in an almost year-and-a-half-long relationship) :)
For the sake of space and time, I will go ahead and cover proud, rude, self-seeking, and easily angered all in one. I am proud to be Jason Hadden's girlfriend, but I am not haughty about it. I hope that when I talk about him to my friends that they don't see it as rubbing it in their faces that I have a boyfriend, or anything of the sort. I can be rude, but I never want to be rude with him. Self-seeking is a tough one. It is hard to put him (and all other people for that matter) before myself. I am selfish and I want everything out of the relationship that I can get. But that's not the right attitude. I have to constantly remind myself to care for, love, and serve others before myself. Angered...has Jason made me upset before? Yes. Angry? No. Anger is a hard feeling to get over and is deeply embedded within complicated situations. We have a simple love. No complications, no hard feelings, no anger.
Keeps no record of wrong...here's the toughest one for me with all people, not just him. I keep track of wrongs; forgive and forget does not work with me. I do not forget when I have been hurt. I have to remind myself everyday that "he didn't purposefully try to make me feel insert gloomy feeling/disgust when he insert action that happened months ago that I just cannot forget about." It is a constant battle, but its easier with Jason than with most people.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth-I can be straight up honest with Jason. I can tell him the truth about things and know he wont judge me, hold things against me, or get angry with me. I think that this is one that I appreciate the most.
In conclusion, I would do anything to protect him; I always have his back. I trust him and his judgement in all situations and with all decisions, even if they are not what I would do in those situations. With us, I always hope for the best in the future, and I will go to all lengths in attempt to make this good thing we have going last as long as possible.
This blog was long as mess! But this was the long and intense process that I went through to come to the conclusion that I love Jason Hadden. I wouldn't have it any other way :) Blessed Beyond Comparison
*insert syringe of insulin now* :P
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Redeem
"God, to redeem us at the deepest portion of our nature-the urge to love and be loved-must reveal His nature in an incredible and impossible way. He must reveal it at the cross." -E. Stanley Jones
This past weekend, I attended a conference along with about 450 other BCM students from across the state of South Carolina. On Sunday morning, the main speaker was talking about how he did not expect us to retain everything we heard this weekend, but he hoped that something took out to us and that we left changed in some aspect of our lives. For me, that changed can be summed up in one word...Redeemed. I have heard the word over and over again and I even know what it means and can give a good definition for it; however, one of the speakers made redemption a very visual image for me this past weekend and I know that I will never look at it the same way again.
I have always just looked at redemption as a sort of payment. It's how Jesus died so that I could be redeemed from my sin and be free. His image suggested something a little different. It was compared to an arcade. When you go to an arcade, you win tickets and you redeem them for a prize. Now if you were to watch any young child redeeming their tickets, they stare at the glass for what seems like hours, contemplating what to get. They want to make sure they get just the right item, the perfect trinket and something that they really love. God has done the same for us. He has turned in His son as the payment, and has picked us out specifically to be His prized possession. This is a story of being sought after, a image of being loved, a story of worth and value, and the sign of a proud Father who has gained a great possession. This is the story that all men need to hear. That they are loved, they are worth something, and that there is someone desperately trying to get them from behind the glass and take them home. Thankfully, God has enough tickets and has already turned over His payment for His prize. Matthew 20:28 says, "Just as the son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many." The price is paid and we are free to go home with our Father who loves us dearly and who considers us worth the price of giving His only son. Amazing!
I challenge you to find your worth in God and constantly remind others that they have value and love in Jesus Christ.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Written in Red
“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church. If they still refuse to listen to the church, then consider them Gentiles or tax-collectors" -Matthew 18:15-17
How do you firmly handle the one's you love in Christian kindness when they don't want to hear you out? Personally, I have only confronted one person in a matter of their sin, and that was an easy turn around that was taken no further than me and that person and that I still yet to speak of to any one else. Maybe this is because I am afraid of repercussions, or maybe just because all my friends are perfect people, but the more likely reasons is because I only confront people that I care deeply for.
I cannot imagine my own sins being pointed out to me. Embarrassment, shame, guilt. First thing I would do is flip to Matthew 7:3 that says, "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in a friends eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye." Or flip a few verses prior and spout off, Matthew 7:1, "Do not judge lest you too be judged." The defenses would go up faster than a blink of an eye. I would be doing anything in my power to justify my means. Problem: Before you interpret those verses in Matthew 7, or others like it, you must use them in context. Before Matthew 7 is the Sermon on the Mount. To sum it up, the Sermon on the Mount addresses motives and sin. As sinners we tend to minimize or rationalize our transgressions and magnify the the wrong we see in others lives. We cannot judge someones internal righteousness, but we can address sins in a loving manner with Christlike motives at hand.
Now let's skip a few chapters and hop on over to Matthew 18. The verse at the beginning of this post is the subject matter. Addressing out faults in others. Can you do it without judging? ...Yes. If you love someone with Christ's love, then you can address their sins without judgement. What is Christ's love? Dying for them...would you be willing to do it? To them, it may feel like you are ganging up on them, but with the right intentions this is far from the truth. If you follow the guidelines of Matthew 18:15 and go to them one on one to begin with, there's no ganging up. If you end up having to pull another person into it, it is simply to prevent the "he-said/she-said" complex. Finally, last resort, get the church involved. Maybe not the actual "church," but a group of Christians who love and care for that person and want to see them grow in Christ. Again, let's take Matthew 18 passage in context. Given the context, calling someone out on his or her sin displays a willingness to care for a flock member from perishing (Parable of the lost sheep found just previous to this passage). This passage does not say a specific sin that has to be at issue, but it does question the motives of the Christians calling another brother or sister out. They are to care about the well being of the members of God's family who have gone astray, but are deeply important to the Father.
Now what if someone goes through all this trouble only to find that a brother still will not repent from their sins? Jesus tells us that they are to be treated as a Gentile or a tax collector...so hate them? ...of course not. That means love them more than ever, because they are lost.
Now for a couple challenges...
Challenge #1-If you've gone astray and a fellow Christian is pointing out your sins, don't assume they are out to get you.
Challenge #2-If you claim to be a Christian, prove it. Prove it with your speech, your actions, your intentions, your honesty, and your humility.
Challenge #3-If you claim to be a Christian and you blatantly refuse to turn from sin and you have no convictions over things that are written in the Bible, take a second to look at yourself and decide which side of the fence you are on.
Challenge #4-If you do fall into that last category, disregard everything I have written, it does not apply to you. As my pastor says often, "don't expect a lost person to act like a Christian, they're lost."
Challenge #5- If you are going to be calling a fellow Christian out, check your intentions before any word is uttered. If your motives are Christlike, continue.
*"If it isn't in black and white in the Bible, that's probably because it is in red."
How do you firmly handle the one's you love in Christian kindness when they don't want to hear you out? Personally, I have only confronted one person in a matter of their sin, and that was an easy turn around that was taken no further than me and that person and that I still yet to speak of to any one else. Maybe this is because I am afraid of repercussions, or maybe just because all my friends are perfect people, but the more likely reasons is because I only confront people that I care deeply for.
I cannot imagine my own sins being pointed out to me. Embarrassment, shame, guilt. First thing I would do is flip to Matthew 7:3 that says, "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in a friends eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye." Or flip a few verses prior and spout off, Matthew 7:1, "Do not judge lest you too be judged." The defenses would go up faster than a blink of an eye. I would be doing anything in my power to justify my means. Problem: Before you interpret those verses in Matthew 7, or others like it, you must use them in context. Before Matthew 7 is the Sermon on the Mount. To sum it up, the Sermon on the Mount addresses motives and sin. As sinners we tend to minimize or rationalize our transgressions and magnify the the wrong we see in others lives. We cannot judge someones internal righteousness, but we can address sins in a loving manner with Christlike motives at hand.
Now let's skip a few chapters and hop on over to Matthew 18. The verse at the beginning of this post is the subject matter. Addressing out faults in others. Can you do it without judging? ...Yes. If you love someone with Christ's love, then you can address their sins without judgement. What is Christ's love? Dying for them...would you be willing to do it? To them, it may feel like you are ganging up on them, but with the right intentions this is far from the truth. If you follow the guidelines of Matthew 18:15 and go to them one on one to begin with, there's no ganging up. If you end up having to pull another person into it, it is simply to prevent the "he-said/she-said" complex. Finally, last resort, get the church involved. Maybe not the actual "church," but a group of Christians who love and care for that person and want to see them grow in Christ. Again, let's take Matthew 18 passage in context. Given the context, calling someone out on his or her sin displays a willingness to care for a flock member from perishing (Parable of the lost sheep found just previous to this passage). This passage does not say a specific sin that has to be at issue, but it does question the motives of the Christians calling another brother or sister out. They are to care about the well being of the members of God's family who have gone astray, but are deeply important to the Father.
Now what if someone goes through all this trouble only to find that a brother still will not repent from their sins? Jesus tells us that they are to be treated as a Gentile or a tax collector...so hate them? ...of course not. That means love them more than ever, because they are lost.
Now for a couple challenges...
Challenge #1-If you've gone astray and a fellow Christian is pointing out your sins, don't assume they are out to get you.
Challenge #2-If you claim to be a Christian, prove it. Prove it with your speech, your actions, your intentions, your honesty, and your humility.
Challenge #3-If you claim to be a Christian and you blatantly refuse to turn from sin and you have no convictions over things that are written in the Bible, take a second to look at yourself and decide which side of the fence you are on.
Challenge #4-If you do fall into that last category, disregard everything I have written, it does not apply to you. As my pastor says often, "don't expect a lost person to act like a Christian, they're lost."
Challenge #5- If you are going to be calling a fellow Christian out, check your intentions before any word is uttered. If your motives are Christlike, continue.
*"If it isn't in black and white in the Bible, that's probably because it is in red."
Saturday, January 21, 2012
10 Confessions
1. I can easily down a gallon of diet coke, water, or orange juice.
2. "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is my favorite song to listen to while I work out.
3. I don't really have a favorite color anymore.
4. When I cry, it's usually over something dumb.
5. If I wasn't a gamecock fan, I would probably be either an Alabama, Tennessee, or Clemson fan.
6. I have a strong urge to delete my facebook.
7. My feet are always cold.
8. I think pictures of the Grim Reaper are just about the creepiest thing ever.
9. No matter how hard I try, I will never understand calculus
10. I think floor length skirts are the worst clothing item.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Plan Accordingly
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." -Hebrews 11:1
Is it wrong to hope my plans are God's plans? Is it wrong to take a step down a path without knowing if it's exactly where I am supposed to be? These are the questions I have been asking myself recently. Am I going the right way? If I do not get a "no" from God, I take that as a "carry on." But all too often, I get a "no," and I am forced to change directions.
I have to be honest, I really hate making long term plans. I like making short term plans...like what I'm doing for the next couple weekends, or when I am going to sit down and write a paper; however, when it comes to trying to plan my life out, I would rather crawl under a rock. My reasons...because God almost always changes my plans. I get my hopes up for something, I really really really start looking forward to something, and Jesus ruins it. Now don't get me wrong, He replaces them with something bigger and better in the long run, but is it bad that I think its better just to not make them at all? Or should I still make plans, but allow God to mold my plans (...aka throw them in the trash and start from scratch)? I have yet to find the answer to any of these questions, but here's what I do know...I can hope my plans are God's plans, but if He decides to trash mine, it is alright because I know He knows what He is doing.
Challenge (to you and myself)...trust God, He knows what He's doing.
*"For my ways are not your ways, nor are my thoughts your thoughts. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts" -Isaiah 55:8-9
Is it wrong to hope my plans are God's plans? Is it wrong to take a step down a path without knowing if it's exactly where I am supposed to be? These are the questions I have been asking myself recently. Am I going the right way? If I do not get a "no" from God, I take that as a "carry on." But all too often, I get a "no," and I am forced to change directions.
I have to be honest, I really hate making long term plans. I like making short term plans...like what I'm doing for the next couple weekends, or when I am going to sit down and write a paper; however, when it comes to trying to plan my life out, I would rather crawl under a rock. My reasons...because God almost always changes my plans. I get my hopes up for something, I really really really start looking forward to something, and Jesus ruins it. Now don't get me wrong, He replaces them with something bigger and better in the long run, but is it bad that I think its better just to not make them at all? Or should I still make plans, but allow God to mold my plans (...aka throw them in the trash and start from scratch)? I have yet to find the answer to any of these questions, but here's what I do know...I can hope my plans are God's plans, but if He decides to trash mine, it is alright because I know He knows what He is doing.
Challenge (to you and myself)...trust God, He knows what He's doing.
*"For my ways are not your ways, nor are my thoughts your thoughts. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts" -Isaiah 55:8-9
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
More Than One Shot
"Wide-eyed, baptized, and still wanting to sin, but thank God we get more than just one shot." -Luke Bryan "We Rode in Trucks"
I am a failure. In fact, I'm probably the biggest one out there. I have to try and try before I get things right, I often wish I could take back words I have said, and I am forever longing to be better at almost everything. The more and more I pay attention to the world around me and the view of Christians in our society today, the more I understand why people are so turned off by Christianity. I myself have been called a hypocrite before, and here is the thing that a lot of people don't get about Christians...we are not perfect. We are still human, we still make mistakes, we still hurt people through our words and actions, and we are still failures by the world's standards.
Here's the hope for all of humanity though...we get more than one shot. It is not a walk-on-a-tightrope life, where if you have one slip, you're done for. It's not even a three-strike-and-you're-out sorta deal. It is forgiveness beyond all measure and unending grace overflowing from a loving God. Romans 3:23-24 reads, "For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God and all are justified freely by His grace through the redemption that came through Jesus Christ." We are not perfect, and we never will be, but for those of us who are real Christians (not those who call themselves Christians as a default religion), God's forgiveness covers anything and everything we could ever do. We just have to ask for forgiveness and accept it.
In addition, for those who are not yet Christians, you get more the just one shot as well. What you are accepting is a little different though. You are getting the opportunity to accept the loving, gracious, miraculous God into your life and in doing so, you give your life back to Him. Being a Christian is not easy, if anything it's harder than before, but the abundance of love that God offers you covers any sort of temptations that you may fall to or stumbling blocks that may arise. "Love covers a multitude of sins." -Peter 4:8b
Challenge: Accept your imperfection, and thank God for a multitude of chances.
I am a failure. In fact, I'm probably the biggest one out there. I have to try and try before I get things right, I often wish I could take back words I have said, and I am forever longing to be better at almost everything. The more and more I pay attention to the world around me and the view of Christians in our society today, the more I understand why people are so turned off by Christianity. I myself have been called a hypocrite before, and here is the thing that a lot of people don't get about Christians...we are not perfect. We are still human, we still make mistakes, we still hurt people through our words and actions, and we are still failures by the world's standards.
Here's the hope for all of humanity though...we get more than one shot. It is not a walk-on-a-tightrope life, where if you have one slip, you're done for. It's not even a three-strike-and-you're-out sorta deal. It is forgiveness beyond all measure and unending grace overflowing from a loving God. Romans 3:23-24 reads, "For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God and all are justified freely by His grace through the redemption that came through Jesus Christ." We are not perfect, and we never will be, but for those of us who are real Christians (not those who call themselves Christians as a default religion), God's forgiveness covers anything and everything we could ever do. We just have to ask for forgiveness and accept it.
In addition, for those who are not yet Christians, you get more the just one shot as well. What you are accepting is a little different though. You are getting the opportunity to accept the loving, gracious, miraculous God into your life and in doing so, you give your life back to Him. Being a Christian is not easy, if anything it's harder than before, but the abundance of love that God offers you covers any sort of temptations that you may fall to or stumbling blocks that may arise. "Love covers a multitude of sins." -Peter 4:8b
Challenge: Accept your imperfection, and thank God for a multitude of chances.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Trouble
"Jesus promised his disciples three
things---that they would be completely fearless, absurdly happy, and in
constant trouble." -DC Talk "Jesus Freaks II" (The book, not the song)
I started reading the book "Jesus Freaks" as a part of a Bible study my freshman year of college. Little did I know that this Bible study would be far from a mainstream study. The whole book is filled with stories of martyrdom and selfless acts done by people who love God.
The quote above stood out to me more than any other quote in the book. It is a simple message of what Jesus's disciples stood for and what modern disciples should strive to stand for. They were a symbol of strength and bravery. Being a disciple is far from easy. As disciples we put ourselves in the midst of persecution in the hope of reaching one lost soul. Now you may be asking, "If it's scary, how can disciples be fearless?" This question has a simple answer...they were loved. 1 John 4:28a reads, "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment." God's love is what gets us through even the toughest of situations and allows our fear to be cast far from our bodies. We may have an earthly punishment, but the ultimate achievement is a reward, not a punishment.
The second part of this quote addresses the attitude of a disciple. Although disciples should be persistent and determined, they should also be happy. Matthew 5:10 says, "Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." Umm...hello! If that doesn't make you happy, I do not know what will! If you think persecution for God's sake is not worth it...think again! Our reward is eternal, so why not be happy about being a disciple of Jesus! James 1:2-3 reads, "Consider it pure joy my brothers when you face trials of many kinds for you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." Enjoy your struggles because they are temporary. Rejoice because He is eternal!
The final part of this quote again has to do with persecution. If you are suffering for your faith, good. Christianity is no longer mainstream. It is no longer accepted all over the U.S. "Jesus Freaks" can be a very appropriate title, hinting at the oddness of one expressing such a desire for their faith and for others to know the same joy. This upsets a lot of people and causes trouble. Now yes, we are called to be peacemakers, but being in trouble with people comes with the Christian territory. Now we are not going around stirring up trouble just for the heck of it, but we are following in the steps of Jesus. Jesus says in John 15:18 that "if the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated Me first." There it is from the Lord Himself. We, as disciples, will be in trouble and be hated because He was hated and got into trouble with the people of His day. He told people that they were not perfect, He showed them the truth, and He uncovered the God-sized hole in their hearts.
Challenge: Be a real disciple. Be fearless, happy, and welcome trouble that comes with persecution .
I started reading the book "Jesus Freaks" as a part of a Bible study my freshman year of college. Little did I know that this Bible study would be far from a mainstream study. The whole book is filled with stories of martyrdom and selfless acts done by people who love God.
The quote above stood out to me more than any other quote in the book. It is a simple message of what Jesus's disciples stood for and what modern disciples should strive to stand for. They were a symbol of strength and bravery. Being a disciple is far from easy. As disciples we put ourselves in the midst of persecution in the hope of reaching one lost soul. Now you may be asking, "If it's scary, how can disciples be fearless?" This question has a simple answer...they were loved. 1 John 4:28a reads, "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment." God's love is what gets us through even the toughest of situations and allows our fear to be cast far from our bodies. We may have an earthly punishment, but the ultimate achievement is a reward, not a punishment.
The second part of this quote addresses the attitude of a disciple. Although disciples should be persistent and determined, they should also be happy. Matthew 5:10 says, "Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." Umm...hello! If that doesn't make you happy, I do not know what will! If you think persecution for God's sake is not worth it...think again! Our reward is eternal, so why not be happy about being a disciple of Jesus! James 1:2-3 reads, "Consider it pure joy my brothers when you face trials of many kinds for you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." Enjoy your struggles because they are temporary. Rejoice because He is eternal!
The final part of this quote again has to do with persecution. If you are suffering for your faith, good. Christianity is no longer mainstream. It is no longer accepted all over the U.S. "Jesus Freaks" can be a very appropriate title, hinting at the oddness of one expressing such a desire for their faith and for others to know the same joy. This upsets a lot of people and causes trouble. Now yes, we are called to be peacemakers, but being in trouble with people comes with the Christian territory. Now we are not going around stirring up trouble just for the heck of it, but we are following in the steps of Jesus. Jesus says in John 15:18 that "if the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated Me first." There it is from the Lord Himself. We, as disciples, will be in trouble and be hated because He was hated and got into trouble with the people of His day. He told people that they were not perfect, He showed them the truth, and He uncovered the God-sized hole in their hearts.
Challenge: Be a real disciple. Be fearless, happy, and welcome trouble that comes with persecution .
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